Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (Even After You "Resolved" It 10 Times)?
Your Relationship Has 3 Hidden Conflict Patterns That Guarantee the Same Fight Repeats Every Time
Get This 5-Minute "Conflict-to-Connection" Checklist to Discover Which of YOUR Patterns Is Sabotaging Every Disagreement
The 5-Minute "Conflict-to-Connection" Checklist Reveals Which Patterns Are Specific to YOU, So You Finally Know Exactly What to Fix
In the next 5 minutes, you will know exactly which of the 3 Conflict Traps are specific to YOUR relationship.
No therapist appointment. No awkward conversations. No 200-page book.
Just a simple self-assessment that pinpoints YOUR specific barriers, so you stop guessing and start fixing.
The "Invisible Script" Test That Reveals Whether You Are Actually Resolving Conflicts Or Just Exhausting Each Other into Temporary Silence
Why "Talking It Out" Makes YOUR Fights Worse, Not Better (What To Do Instead When Emotions Are Already High)
The 1 Phrase Pattern That Instantly Triggers Your Partner's Defense Mode (It Guarantees Escalation Every Time)
Which Specific Combination Of The 3 Conflict Traps YOUR Relationship Is Stuck In, With Interpretation Based On YOUR Scores (Not Generic Advice That Applies To Everyone)
The Reason YOUR Fights "End" But Never Actually "Resolve," And Why The Same Issue Keeps Resurfacing Again.
The First Step to Building YOUR "Shared Resolution Language," So You Can Finally Fight on The Same Team Instead of Against Each Other
This moment shows up in almost every stuck relationship — just not for the reason you think
You have had this argument before.
Not the exact same words. But the same feeling.
That sinking moment when you realize:
"Wait... did we not already talk about this?"
You apologized. They apologized. You both meant it.
And somehow, three days later, you are right back here.
Except now there is an extra layer of frustration because this was not supposed to happen again.
Here is what nobody tells you:
You are not fighting about dishes. Or money. Or whose turn it was to text back.
You are running a hidden conflict pattern.
A script neither of you consciously wrote.
A pattern that guarantees the same emotional explosion no matter what the topic is.
The topic changes. The pattern does not.
And here is the thing: Your patterns are not the same as every other couple's patterns.
There are thousands of ways conflict can go wrong.
But YOUR relationship has a specific combination of 3 patterns that are keeping YOUR arguments stuck on repeat.
Until you know which ones are running your fights, you cannot fix them.
Most Couples Are Stuck in At least One of these Traps
After 20+ years as a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have identified 3 categories of "Conflict Traps" that keep couples stuck in the same argument loop:
Trap 1: The Scarcity Pattern
You are both fighting to "win" because it feels like there is not enough room for both of you to be right. Every disagreement becomes a zero-sum battle. One person has to lose for the other to feel heard.
Trap 2: The Parallel Monologue Pattern
You are not having a conversation. You are delivering competing speeches to an audience of one. Each of you is waiting for your turn instead of actually hearing. You talk for hours and end up more confused than when you started.
Trap 3: The Self-Protection Pattern
Arguments drag on for days because neither of you feels safe enough to repair. You are both defending instead of reconnecting. The fight "ends" but nothing actually gets resolved.
But Here’s What Matters: The Specific Combination of Patterns in YOUR Relationship is Unique to You
That is why
Generic advice does not work.
"Communicate better" feels useless.
Books and therapy sessions help for a few weeks and then everything slides back.
You cannot fix a pattern you cannot see.
This checklist shows you exactly which patterns are running YOUR relationship.
This Diagnostic Is For You If:
You're in Years 1-5 of marriage and you can already see patterns forming
You keep having the same 3 fights on repeat (money, in-laws, division of labor)
You've tried books, podcasts, or a few therapy sessions but nothing stuck
You're high-achievers who refuse to "figure it out" for the next decade through trial-and-error
You're terrified of becoming your parents' marriage
You're delaying big decisions (kids, house) because the foundation doesn't feel solid yet
This Is NOT For You If:
You want a magic fix without doing the daily work of building new patterns
You're looking for generic "communicate better" advice you've already heard
Only ONE of you thinks there's a problem and the other completely disagrees
You're not willing to invest 5-10 minutes daily for 90 days
The Pattern I Couldn't Stop Seeing (After Watching Hundreds of "Good" Couples Stay Stuck)
I'm Dr. Eric Williams.
Nearly 20 years working with high-achieving couples. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor.
And for years, I watched the same thing happen over and over.
Couples would come in. Smart. Motivated. Successful in every other area of life.
We'd work together for months.
They'd leave with communication tools.
Conflict resolution strategies. Worksheets on "active listening."
They'd feel hopeful. Ready to finally fix things.
And then six months later... they'd come back.
Still stuck.
Still having the same three fights about money, sex, and in-laws.
Still feeling like roommates instead of partners.
Then one couple said something I couldn't stop thinking about:
"We know HOW to communicate, Dr. Williams. We've read the books. Taken the courses. But when we're actually stressed or triggered, none of it works. It's like we're speaking two completely different languages... and there's no translator."
I heard that exact phrase—"two different languages"—three times in one month.
From three different couples.
That's when it hit me:
The problem wasn't that they didn't know how to communicate.
The problem was they were trying to build a unified "WE" on top of two completely unexamined "ME"s.
Each person brought their own hidden scripts. Their own definitions. Their own triggers.
And nobody had ever helped them see those patterns—let alone build a shared language to navigate them.
That's why I built this checklist.
Not to give you more generic advice. Not to tell you to "communicate better."
Just to show you exactly which of YOUR specific patterns are keeping your fights stuck on repeat.
Because you can't fix a pattern you can't see.
Dr. Eric Williams
Creator, The "Me To We" Framework
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) | Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Supervisor (LCMHCS)
Ph.D. in Counselor Education & Supervision | U.S. Army Veteran (2001-2006)
Nearly 20 Years Helping High-Achieving Couples Build What Lasts.
Dr. Eric Williams
What My Clients Say
I don't share client names due to HIPAA, but here's what some of them have written:
"Dr. Williams, we greatly appreciate your help and are very grateful to have your support. After our session, we took some time to talk more about what we learned. We really appreciate the guidance you shared and have printed it out. Thank you for giving us homework!"
"Thank you so much for the session today. It was extremely helpful. Thank you for this email summary. We really appreciate the guidance that you shared and have printed it out. We will read it again and follow your suggestions."
"I always walk away feeling empowered. I appreciate you for making me feel seen, heard, and holding a space for me to be vulnerable. Thank you again for being the GOAT. You're making a difference in me for sure."
"I know it's been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in my relationship with my husband. I appreciate you hanging in there, advocating for me to use my voice more and to show me I can still be myself along with the many roles I have in life and not feel silly doing so."
"I know it's been a rollercoaster of ups and downs in my relationship with my husband. I appreciate you hanging in there, advocating for me to use my voice more and to show me I can still be myself along with the many roles I have in life and not feel silly doing so."
"Thank you so much Eric. This is truly a blessing to read back your words and insights. I just came from church and reading your notes back, I'm thinking to myself 'wow, he got all of that during our session today.' I know I definitely have the right therapist for me."
"Thank you so much Eric. This is truly a blessing to read back your words and insights. I just came from church and reading your notes back, I'm thinking to myself 'wow, he got all of that during our session today.' I know I definitely have the right therapist for me."
"Spouse and I were just chatting and we think we can cancel the appointment that we have scheduled for this Friday. Nothing is wrong—everything is great actually—we're in the same good place that we were during our last session. There just doesn't feel like we have any issues that we need to work through at the moment (which is amazing!)."
Ready to See Which Conflict Patterns Are Specific to YOUR Relationship?